As always, I had a lot of problems with my first draft of SEARCH. This is essay has so much information in it because all the stories relate so much. Issues that I mainly had were-
–Not linking my essay enough with Paolo and Francescas story
–Transition sentances between paragraphs
Lastly,
–Having too much info, quotes, and textual evidence in one paragraph.
All these problems are similar to what I have with other essays and I hope I can clear this up with my future revisions. Thanks to my group for the helpful comments!
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For your last point, about too much evidence and material in one paragraph, I suggest:
- identifying the one main point you want to make in that paragraph
- then, going back through the P and cutting out everything that doesn’t directly support that one main point.
-then, if the P is still too cluttered, be really picky about which piece of textual evidence you include. Pick the best one and cut out the rest.
- then focus all of your analysis on that one piece of textual evdidence.
I think that it would be best to narrow your quotes down and just analyze them more. It can be one or two quotes and just prove your argument through the quotes. Don’t worry too much about nit picky things like transitional sentences until you have another draft that is closer to the real product. From what I remember about your essay, you had a lot of information and analysis about Paolo and Francesca so the mot important thing is to tie everything up in your concluding paragraph.